ZenSojourner's Blog

Now we are five

zensojourner — Fri, 06 Jan 2012 00:44:32 +0000

Gosh. My son was born on 2nd December 2011. It’s been a very different experience with him thus far. With the twins, we were new parents with absolutely no idea what we were doing. Also, we made some assumptions about help that didn’t quite materialize. The first month with the twins was a nightmare. Both my SO and I lost 5 kg each. We dreaded the nights as everyone else was asleep. With my son, we decided to get a confinement nanny.

Initially, we had a lot of worries about getting one. We heard horror stories of nannies that were very traditional and didn’t allow the mother to bath for the entire month of confinement.

The nanny was a pleasant surprise. She essentially took over the cooking of meals and care for the baby. So much so, our nights during the confinement period were surprisingly livable.

The other difference is that my son is so different from the twins. He’s a much more robust baby with a lot of personality. Maybe it’s because that we have more time to focus on him but it’s nice to be able to look after just one.

The flipside of course, is that the twins are feeling a little insecure. H is coping better as she always has been closer to me. But poor S is feeling the lack of time with the mother. But it’s all part of growing together as a family.

It’s good.

Part trois

zensojourner — Sun, 04 Dec 2011 13:09:41 +0000

It’s been almost a year since I touched this blog. Much has happened. Much has NOT happened.

Not happened? Alas, I have still yet to find that eccentric elusive relative who decides to leave me the family fortune upon their demise. Sadly, I still am confused where should I go for the next step of my career.

But, the family has moved into a new apartment and we have a new domestic help.

I am a notorious procrastinator. My SO loves to tell how it took 3 years for me to put up a mirror in our toilet…only to sell that apartment a year later. So although I’ve been promising my SO that we will buy a new place and we will move out of my parent’s house, the truth is, I would have probably taken some time to finally do it.

I also know now God has a very good sense of humor. Did I mention that when my SO and I first married, she thought that it would be wonderful to have twins. Sooo…we had twins. About a year ago, she started talking about having another baby… she was hoping for a boy as well. Guess what? Approximately 9 months ago, whilst I was driving home from work, she calls and tells me that she has something serious to talk to me about.

Imagine my shock when she shows me a positive pregnancy test. I made her double check the expiry date of the kit and then proceeded to have a very stiff drink. And it’s a boy.

Of course we had all the anxieties associated with having a baby at a mature age. She had to undergo numerous scans and blood tests. We’ve had to prepare the twins that they are going to have a new addition to our family. AND, I had to finally go and buy a place of our own.

Today, she’s going to deliver. Hopefully, it will be smooth and uneventful. But whatever happens, life for me, for us, for the family, will change once again.

The price

zensojourner — Fri, 25 Mar 2011 02:43:15 +0000

Right from our childhood, we are “encouraged” to strive to do our best. To be the best. This mindset permeates all aspects of our society. We look up to people and organizations that have become the top in their spheres. Of course, those that are not the best, those who cannot make the mark, fall by the wayside.

My SO for example, holds several degrees as well as a post-graduate diploma. She briefly was the head of her department. She gave that all up to be a stay home mom to look after our twins. We wanted them to have a childhood that had a consistent attachment figure. We also wanted control over their upbringing and discipline. We got a lot of flack for that. Our mothers were unsupportive and disapproving. I think they both felt that they managed to juggle work and childcare in their time and felt that it was possible to do both. But we have no regrets, our twins are growing up to be wonderful kids.

The flip side, the other price to pay is when after all that striving, you have become one of the best. Then the stress is when everyone looks to you for advice and to set the standard. There is no one above you to look for advice. It can be difficult.

Part deux

zensojourner — Thu, 20 Jan 2011 00:58:27 +0000

The housing situation in homeland is getting ridiculous. Prices have risen almost double of what they were a few years ago. I do regret not buying something when prices were good but we were saving money for Hannah’s operation.

But we do need a place. Somewhere where we can make it a home. The kids will be moving to their own beds soon.

Wow….its been a year (part I)

zensojourner — Mon, 17 Jan 2011 09:54:34 +0000

Wow, its hard to believe that its been a year since I last posted. So many things have happened. Prosaically, I’ve gained more weight. Which is not good. Being middles aged and over-weight is not a good idea. So thats my new year’s resolution. I need to tone up, become more fit and hopefully lose some weight.

The girls are doing so well. Hannah has caught up with her sister in terms of height. She’s just had her cardio review and was given a 9 month follow-up. Which is wonderful. She’s grown into a lovely girl that chatters nine to the dozen. She has a memory like an elephant and is no pushover. Sophie is also growing up into a beautiful little girl. She has a dimple on her left cheek when she grins. They are both attending nursary and are well liked by their teachers.

Memories of life as a DINK is becoming more and more elusive. I cannot imagine not being a father to my kids. Its become a facet of me that colours my work and my life. It colours the way I view things and treat people. Hopefully, for the better.

Crossroads

zensojourner — Sat, 20 Mar 2010 00:54:55 +0000

We all meet crossroads in our life. It’s starts right from young, when our parents decide which school we are to attend. The resultant choice resonates even now. It’s has affected my outlook to life, the type of friends I had and have have.

And I’d like to think ( to plagarise Terry Pratchett), somewhere, sometime, I went down a different trouser leg in the pants of Destiny and am living a totally different life.

Why write about this? Well, it’s almost time to start thinking abt schools for my kids. It’s a daunting task. Rules, consequences, extra activites. This was never in the idiot’s guide to parenting.

Secondly, I feel I am reaching a crossroad in my career. And soon, unseen or not, I have to decide which trouser leg to venture down. Which to let my unseen doppleganger go. How far reaching? I don’t know. I know it will lead to a change in outlook as well as my friends.

Oh well, life as usual.

Career

zensojourner — Sun, 27 Dec 2009 12:54:36 +0000

Its going to be 2010 soon and people around may know that there has been a lot of changes at my work place. There are many not good changes and some good ones. Many good people have left or are leaving. And like Nero playing his fiddle when Rome burned, it seems like the leadership are concentrating on the minutiae rather then focusing on the important core issues.

The good things are that I am running my own ward. I have some degree of independence and flexibility. My request to run my own service has also been approved in principle. I will be able to set up a service in my chosen field of interest.

But I am having serious doubts. Are the good things enough to outweigh the bad? Running a service…will I be up to the challenge? It takes a large amount of passion, self belief and self confidence to make a clinical service successful. Hard work and long hours of planning being already part of the equation. People management, to inspire, to lead and to cultivate are also important. I’m not sure I am capable of all of this. As it is, I feel that I am just bumbling along. I don’t think I am managing people very well either….Sigh, the honest truth is, I don’t really think I’m up to all of this…

There are alternatives. One would be to strike out on my own. It has its attractions and challenges. Its something to ponder on as the new year comes.

And so this is Christmas…

zensojourner — Sat, 26 Dec 2009 22:43:44 +0000

We celebrated our kid’s second christmas. We had a real tree which unlike last year, they actually helped (in a way) trim. And as expected, they got lots of soft toys. It was nice to hear a “wow!” from Hannah as she opened one of the gifts. And this year was especially special because it was our first Christmas after Hannah’s operation. Maybe I was being maudlin but I wasn’t entirely sure, or rather I did not dare hope that we would see this Christmas as a complete family. So even if we were all short tempered cos the kids weren’t sleeping well and still adjusting to being together again and even if my folks aren’t on the best of terms and snapping at each other, it was a special Christmas.

Circles (slightly late)

zensojourner — Thu, 17 Dec 2009 14:49:04 +0000

I’m sitting at my daughter’s cotside, holding vigil at the hospital again. It’s hard to believe that it has been less then 2 weeks since I first watched over her. Then, I was filled with fear and worry. Over all that she’d have to suffer. And that I will never see her smile or hear her giggles again. Or feel her hugs and baby kisses.

It was a difficult few weeks. Not just the worry over Hannah but having to make ensure that Sophie, her twin, doesn’t feel neglected. It was touching and heartbreaking to watch Sophie keep asking where her sister was.

And my wife and I have come to realise…we’ve become a family. Life is empty without our kids around. Something is missing without both our daughters together…with us.

She’s due for discharge tomorrow. Hopefully. And she’s got a chance at life. And our family will be together again.

Oh wow…

zensojourner — Sun, 13 Dec 2009 22:56:07 +0000

Oh wow. Its hard to believe its only been a week since my daughter had had her cardiac surgery. Its been a tough ride. The first two days after her op, she was very unstable with problems cropping up one after another. It was made doubly difficult as her twin sister, whom had never been separated from her since birth (except for the month she had to be in hospital for her first cardiac op), felt her absence and kept asking for her.

Thank God she is now stable and getting better day by day. We hope that she will be discharged before christmas. It will be nice to celebrate Christmas with her around.

And through this time, as with all difficult times, we were/are touched by the amount of concern and care that people have shown. My cousin, whom I was never was very close to, has been visiting regularly. My church has been sending regular SMSes as well as praying for us. Friends have been dropping words of encouragement as well as offering to help in whatever way they can. My in-laws rushed down from Malaysia when they heard that Hannah wasn’t doing so well.

Of course I must admit that I am disappointed by some relatives/friends. I had expected more from them. But as my wife rationalised, they may have problems of their own.

But in the end, I am grateful. My God has been good and faithful. I am deeply touched by my friends and relatives. My Hannah is doing well and hopefully will be home soon.